Thursday, May 19, 2011

REVIEW: RATS

Rats are adorable. When they reach a large enough size we call them cats. Cats have nipples.

I know what you're thinking: "Holy Legendary Golden Big Sword! I was unaware that rats and cats were of the same origin!" That's because technically cats are called catrats (say: kuh-trats) and you don't know how to use Google.

But in the name of Dexterity, I shall prove it to you. When observing both rats and catrats closely under a magnifying glass, you'll see that they are composed of:
  • 3% Keratin
  • 9% Fur
  • 87% Rubber
  • 1% Alcohol
Now, I know what you're thinking: "Stamina! The above percentages all contain unique digits!" This is true. Furthermore, if you add all the digits up and then subtract the number of digits being added, you get 23. Further still, this means you can get drunk if you eat enough cats (probably at least 23). Also, if you add up all the digits and then add the number of digits being added, you get 33, which is also a pretty cool number.

    CATS AND SLEEP

    Do not ever sleep with a cat. It will walk all over you while you are sleeping, stepping on various pressure points and your neck/face. After it's done trampling you, it will curl up in a ball on your balls, causing you to wake up with a severe case of numb-ball (this hurts a lot), perhaps in the middle of the night. (Unless you are female, in which case it may slide slightly into your vagina.)


    And now for some Cat Fun Facts, or. . .


    CUN FAX

    • Cats do not understand the act of pointing. They will always look at your hand, which is hilarious. Test this and laugh! (Alternatively, declare: "Strength!")
    • Cats spend 30% of their waking hours grooming themselves. That's almost as much time as your girlfriend spends!
    • If you see your cat's legs twitching, that means it's dreaming of kicking the shit out of you for throwing your cum-sock on it.
    • Intelligence.
    A stylish new leash for your kitty

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