A Critical Evaluation by Theodore Spencer Van Dyk
A Precious Baby Fox With A Doe
It's no secret that I dislike animals.
That being said, I have decided to set my emotions aside and write an unbiased review on the topic.
Animals have many pros and cons. To clarify, I will list them.
The Pros of Animals
- Animals are very versatile.
They come in all different shapes and colors; all different sizes and genders. Some animals have feathers; some animals have scales; and some lucky animals even have skin. Skin. Like humans. - You can eat them.
In my opinion, the best kind of animals are the kind that you can eat without developing an emotional attachment to them. e.g. fish meat, cow meat, chicken meat, pig meat, bear meat, snake meat, shark meat, crustacean meat, etc. - You can train them to fight each other.
Many animals are naturally vicious killing machines.
For example: dogs.
They love the smell of fresh blood, and would do anything to rend themselves a nice slab of cannibalistic meat from one of their animal 'friends'.
Have you ever seen a golden retriever take down a pit bull in one fell swoop? Neither have I, and that's why I train golden retrievers.
Also, animals can only learn 4 moves, so make sure you teach them the best moves you possibly can. - You can collect them.
There are only 150 different animal species (151 if you count adaptive screenplays) in the animal kingdom. Some esteemed professors believe that if you can collect all of the animals that exist, then you will be a master of animals.
It Is No Secret That The Tiger Is Man's Best Friend
The Cons of Animals
- Animals are dirty. Almost all animals practice some form of defecation. Defecation is disgusting. Unlike humans, who defecate in toilets, animals tend to defecate right on the ground. Gross. Also, sometimes they pee on the floor without the permission of their human masters. In this dire situation, it may be necessary to scold them, and take away some of their simple comforts, such as the ability to go outside, or the ability to eat.
- Animals can rebel against their human masters.
Have you ever seen the movie Animal Farm?
Well if not, then you should. It documents the uprising of many farm animals against their cruel owner, and how they live happily ever after, forever.
If this happened in the United States today, it would cripple the world economy, and lead to massive and widespread chaos. - Animals are unpredictable.
How many legs does the average animal have?
The answer is 5.
With such a large variety of different creatures on the planet, we don't have a set template that we can refer to when we want to predict the appearance or actions of the next random animal we encounter. This means that we have to read books to learn about them, which is a long and complicated process.
A Misbehaving Animal
Animal Prisons
When animals commit crimes, they go to animal jail. It is a horrible place, and you never want to go there.
Final Rating
On a scale of 1 to 10, animals get a surprisingly high 3.781.
Sources:
P.S. If you would like to request a topic for me to review, please send your query to murdercorpsethrash@gmail.com
No comments:
Post a Comment