Recent* studies** have shown that Jarrel Hi-Fi***'s latest radio hit, "When You Look Me in the Eye (Every Time I Close My Eyes)", is the most romantic song since "You, and Me, Tonight, In the Water" by Forever Kennedy. When we asked Jarrel exactly what inspired him to create such a masterpiece, he layed out a rather nostalgic story involving an incident with his wife.
"I can't even begin to tell you how devastated I was when I heard what happened, so I'll just cut to the bush." He said.
Then he proceeded to tell us about how he arrived at the hospital just in time to see the surgeons slicing through his wife's eyelids. It turns out she had had had an accident at the dentist leaving her eyes sealed shut. Jarrel began to protest the extreme medical measures but knew it was meant to be when the scalpel revealed Mrs. Hi-Fi's loving gaze penetrating through her bleeding severed eyelids. She would be ok, needing only to refresh her eyeballs with three splashes of luke warm water every couple of seconds for as long as she wanted to use them. The operation was promptly completed and the two lovers embraced thoroughly.
"I didn't even know what was going on until I realized what was going on," Hi-Fi revealed, "And then I looked my wife in the eye, and even though her eyes were closed . . . I could still see them, and they could still see me. It was really a reassuring experience."
That being said, don't touch that adress bar: next week's review will be on cat abrasions!
* Yesterday.
** Studies concieved and carried out solely by Michael Gall-Award (Author of "Feet" and "Eat").
*** Not actually his last name; this is his stage last name.
Special thanks goes to Richard Gallardo for solidifying my details.
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